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POETRY, PROSE &
THIS AND THAT
A collection of words that have affected
me in some manner.
I believe you'll enjoy them too.
WHAT I'VE LEARNED SHOWING DOGS:...
I've learned that if you wear gold lame shoes while showing your dog, no one will remember the dog but they'll never forget your feet.
I've learned that everyone else looks like their dog, not me.
I've learned that the most attractive outfits, the ones that make you look 15 lbs. lighter and three inches taller, don't come with pockets.
I've learned that the words, "Congratulations, you have the better dog," doesn't sound anything like those words when you clench your teeth and swallow your tongue as you say them.
I've learned that if the words, "Congratulations, you have the better dog," are said to you, they're never said loud enough.
I've learned that your dog's performance in the ring is directly related to whether or not you have friends coming to watch you. Just how badly you and your dog do has everything to do with how many witnesses are
present to watch you.
I've learned that there IS no graceful way to recover from a fall in the
ring when your dress flies over your head and catches on your front teeth.
I've learned that when you have a dog that's on a winning tear, you suddenly have friends who are people you don't know.
I've learned that when you make a major mistake in the ring, clutching at your chest and yelling, "It's the big one" doesn't fool anyone, least of all your dog who only looks embarrassed.
I've learned that W.C. Fields had it right when he said to avoid working next to children because they steal the show.
I've learned never to tell a judge they have food in their teeth, particularly when they're examining your dog's bite.
I've learned that some judges have no sense of humor.
I've learned that large dogs make fools of people unused to showing a dog of that size while toy dogs are quickly dispatched by people accustomed to showing a far bigger dog.
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I've learned that next to needlepoint stores, dog show vendors are the most trusting when it comes to taking personal checks.
I've learned that picking up your own dog's waste with a skimpy paper towel isn't as revolting as picking up someone else's dog waste with a front end loader.
My dogs have learned that someone else's bait is always tastier than what I give them.
I've learned that the very best parking spaces have orange cones saving them for someone else.
I've learned that orange cones crush pretty easily.
I've found that the very best people - and the very worst - can be found in our sport.
Anon.
DEATH OF A JUDGE
VCA Standard Operating Procedure:
Instructions on the Death of a Judge
Regulation NR.29, Section 6, Article #29
It has recently been brought to the attention of the Committee of
Management that many judges have been dying while on duty for apparently no
good reason. Furthermore, these same judges are refusing to fall over after
they are dead.
This practice must stop at once. Effective May 1, 1999, under regulation NR.29, Section 6, any judge found sitting up after he/she dies will be
dropped from the Approved Judges List immediately without any investigation. However when it can be proven that said Judge is being
supported by a Handler, Steward, or large dog, a ninety day grace period will be
granted.
The following procedure shall be strictly adhered to and observed:
-
If, after several hours, it is noticed that a Judge has not moved or changed
position, the VCA Representative will investigate. Due to the highly sensitive nature of our Judges and the close resemblance between death and
their natural working attitude, all investigations will be made quietly so
as to prevent waking of a Judge should he/she prove to be asleep in the ring.
-
If some doubt exists as to the true condition, extending to him/her, a cheque for Judging Fees will be the final test. If said Judge does not
reach for it instantaneously it maybe correctly assumed that death has actually occurred. (Note: In some cases this instinct has been so highly
developed that a spasmodic clutching reflex may occur. Do not allow this to confuse you.)
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In all cases however, a signed statement SST.52 must be filed by the deceased Judge on a special form provided for this purpose. Five copies are
required. Two to be sent to the VCA, one to the Judge and two to be lost in
the bureaucracy.
-
All placements and championship points will be withheld unless an exhibitor
can prove that said Judge was, in fact, alive when placement ribbons were awarded.
If death should occur during Group or Best in Show judging, a coin toss will determine the winner. If, because of the high cost of show entries, no
coins are available on the show site, a preschool child will be chosen by the Show Manager to pick the winners. Either method could result in similar
placements to actual judging.
Author "Unknown" Adapted from "The American Cocker Magazine", Winter Edition, 1997, Vol. 13, No. 3.
THE SEVEN STAGES
The seven stage apprenticeship for breeders.
The Beginner: Doing everything wrong. Buying wrong. Feeding wrong.
The Learner: Who now realise they have started badly and while still keeping their original mistake, have now learned better and are doing their best to set out on the right path.
The Novice: Who have corrected their mistakes and are starting to win and are beginning to be known and recognised by other breeders and exhibitors.
The Everlasting Novice: These are always nice people with an equally charming dog. To them, dogs are a pleasant and interesting hobby.
The Middle-Range Breeder: This is the largest section of all. This is the average breeder who is definitely one of us. Recognised as reliable, breeding decent litters, rearing the puppies properly, with a good eye for a dog and the facilities to keep the odd stud dog and a nice bitch or two. These are the backbone of any breed and are indispensable because they supply the majority of the average puppies for sale; serve their own area with a decent stud dog and form the mass of ringsiders. These breeders are members of various breed clubs and support all activities. Being dead keen exhibitors they try their best to be an asset and a credit to their breed.
The Good Breeder: This is a rarer category because these breeders have realised something the middle rangers have not. That is that there is a definite thing called a good dog and that a decent dog is not quite good
enough. The good breeder is always ready to learn and has taken the trouble to find out most of the advanced points, such as what constitutes a good lay of shoulder or a good length of hock and where other virtues may be found. The good breeder knows what a good head feels and looks like; what constitutes good expression and understands structure with an eye to the dog's use as a herding animal. The good breeder has nice stock and has learned how to use it to best advantage. He may still depend on other people's studs to try and improve each litter, but has learned that the title of 'Champion' does not automatically mean the dog carrying this title is necessarily the best for his purpose. The good breeder is trying to improve all the time and will sell a bitch or dog that the middle ranger would have stuck to, realising that either he has better in his kennel or that these good dogs are not quite good enough. These are the breeders that supply the middle rangers with better stock when they themselves wish to raise their standards. The good breeder has nearly always had ten years or more experience with dogs and is recognised as such
The Top Breeder: This is a very difficult category to define, although we all know them. There will be about 20 of them at any given time. They go on, seemingly forever, always able to produce a good one, always with quality finished dogs, these usually having failings rather than faults, and give nothing away in type, style, make and shape. Usually they have been at the top for many years and have a strain of their own, readily recognised as being of a distinct and individual type. They never seem to disappear and very few breeders join their ranks. They are often than not internationally known names and if we get two new top breeders in ten years who are really going to last and have an influence on the breed, than we are lucky.
Author Unknown
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