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POETRY, PROSE &
THIS AND THAT
A collection of words that have affected
me in some manner.
I believe you'll enjoy them too.
Dog Breeder's Husband
I'm just a dog breeder's husband
I no longer rule my domain.
Even if kindly invited
from opinions I wisely refrain.
I'm just a glorified kennel boy
Of minor importance I know.
It seems my primary function
Is merely providing the dough.
Now dog breeding's not inexpensive
as you all no doubt are aware.
But the problem's not so much the money
as the bustle, the wear and the tear.
Having studied the layback of shoulder
and becoming an expert on feet
I still have not learned to give worm pills
or how much the puppy should eat.
My spouse will spend hours grooming
her Bred By Exhibitor bitch
but when it comes to scratching my back
her thought is to let the thing itch!
Someday I hope that my wife'll take me
wandering to some foreign vale
instead of inspecting the stifle
of some Special stud at Hinsdale.
Off in a crowded motel room
after the dog show is o'er
someone questions the judges decision
while they reach for another drink more.
It appears that his eyesight is failing
his errors in judgment immense.
In fact, if I did not know better
you'd doubt if he had any sense.
One finds that the amateur's bungling
is no match for professional skills.
A handler can hide what the owner admits
as he tries hard his conscience to still.
The din and the utter confusion
of everyone talking at once
leaves one weary, hoarse and irascible
and the next day a bleary eyed dunce.
Sometimes late in the evening
I'm asked if I do not agree
that Pottowattamie's Bridget
is somewhat out at the knee.
But before I can answer the question
I find my answer ignored.
For some inexplicable reason
my questioner's suddenly bored.
I'm only a dog breeder's husband
not that I mean to complain.
But I find certain aspects amazing
when I aspire my role to explain.
I know at least where I am going
I'm rapidly going to seed.
But I've learned all about Winner's Bitches
I married the Best of the Breed!
DEAR DOG OWNER EMAIL
LETTER
Dear Dog Owner,
Are you experiencing too many reserves and 2nd places to inferior animals
in the dog show ring?
In the agility and/or obedience ring, does your dog forget his own name?
Well, this simple chain letter is meant to bring relief and happiness to
you. Unlike most chain letters, it doesn't cost money.
Simply send a copy to six other dog owners who are dissatisfied with the
way their dogs are working and showing.
Also bundle up your dog and send him/her to the dog owner at the top of
this list, and add your name to the bottom of the list.
Do not use a return address or the post office may try to contact you.
In one week, you will receive 16,436 dogs, and at least one of them should
be a keeper!
Kennel Blind
Though some folks think I am, I'm not;
Though YOU perhaps show signs,
But in us it's surely justified:
Just LOOK at our dog's lines!
They really can't be faulted,
Which is more than some can say,
And the pups WE'VE bred are perfect,
And will beat the lot, someday.
You certainly have reason
To be SLIGHTLY kennel blind;
Your dogs ARE bred from my dogs,
And there ARE no faults in mine!
But doesn't it just sicken you
to hear that Mrs. Bing
Has PUPPIES from her ghastly pair
Due later in the Spring?
You wonder that she had the NERVE
To breed from "A" and "B;"
He's crippled; and she's cowhocked;
And they surely have HD.
(You can see it in their movement,'
No matter WHAT the vet's say.
I wonder why folks waste their time
And money on an x-ray?)
Remember when her import
Beat my dog? Well, I'm no prude,
But I hear on good authority
The judge that day was stewed!
Reminds me of the dog from East
That always wins at shows
But only under judges
That the owner really knows.
And how about the dog from West
That won the other day?!
I hear the owner had THAT judge
Around her place to stay!
Exhibitors are a jealous lot
I'm sure you will agree;
They seldom have a good word
For the winner...but not me!
I never mind when beaten
By a better dog than mine;
But he's not been born--AND NEVER WILL--
AND I'M NOT KENNEL BLIND!!!!!!
Author Unknown
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