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POETRY, PROSE &
THIS AND THAT
A collection of words that have affected
me in some manner.
I believe you'll enjoy them too.
'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE WHELPING
'Twas the night before whelping, if we figured it right
Sixty three days, this must be the night,
The box and the tools were laid out with care
In hopes that a litter would soon be there
Our girl was nestled all snug in her bed
Every inch of paper torn to a shred
And Mum with her coffee and I with my beer
Were taking bets as to when they'd be here
When from the next room there arose such a great clamour
"Do you think this is it ?", I asked with a stammer
"It must be" said wife, as she scanned through the book
"We'd better get in there and take a look"
As we raced through the door, our girl gave us a smile
This was pain number one, it would still be a while
It was our first time and I think she knew
Cause this happened eight times before we were through
By 3.00am we'd about given up, when low and behold
There came the first pup
With white gown and tools, I felt pretty racy
My wife told me latter, I looked like Ben Casey
With eagerness and confidence we were poised to help
Then stood there amazed as she delivered the whelp
We studied for months, and read many a book...
Two seconds flat, that's all she took
The first was a bitch, a Champion for sure
I could tell at first glance, why she had furnishing and all
And eat, my lord, you should have seen her scoot
I think she had a radar built into that snoot
As we stood there admiring this pup so new
Our girl very quietly had pup number two
A dog, just as cute as can be
"Two Champions!" we shouted and jumped with glee
From this point on, it was like Christmas toys
More little girls and more handsome boys
For six long hours with hardly a pause
Our girl came through like Santa Clause
When finally it stopped and there were no more
Mum and I settled down to count the score
Believe it or not, our little mate
Had given birth to a healthy, hungry eight!
We paused at the door for a final look
It's a picture , believe me, right out of a book
With a tear, Mum said, "It's quite a sight"
I sniffled and said" It's been quite a night"
Our girl and her charges settled down for a rest
It was hard to leave that bustling nest
Finally turning to leave, you could hear us both say
"We've had our good blessing, this whelping day"
Author unknown
THE JUDGES STANDARD
GENERAL APPEARANCE - The first impression of a good judge should be that of a tough-minded but fair, alert and gentle specimen. Muscular fitness and nimbleness are desirable but not mandatory as soft living seems unavoidable in the breed. The judge should be stamped with a look of nobility and justice - difficult to define, but always unmistakable after the show. The good judge has a distinct personality marked by a direct and fearless - but not hostile - expression of self confidence and that certain aloofness which does not lend itself to immediate and indiscriminate friendships... or at least does not admit to such friendships until later back at the motel. Secondary sex characteristics should be strongly marked least, when the judge hands you a ribbon, you say "Thank you , sir" to a lady or vice-versa. The question of
monorchids or cryptorchids should be left to your florist.
COAT - In cold climates the judge should be equipped with a double coat. Underwear may vary with the season. At no time, however, may a judge shed in the ring.
PROPORTION - The most desirable proportions for a female judge are 38-23-36; however you may settle for a 23-23-23 or, as I have at times 22-35-48. The shape of a male judge is less important - but great bulk and commanding appearance is greatly preferred.
PIGMENT - Let's not get into this again. ALL colors are permissible! I have not personally seen a blue judge, but there is always a first time.
SIZE - The judge should be neither too tall nor too short. As a rule of thumb, if he must sink to his knees to pat the dog, he is probably too tall. On the other hand, if he must jump into the air to test testicles, he is probably too short. Measurements should be taken from the top of the head, with the hair parted or pushed down so that it will show only the actual height of the judge's frame or structure. A judge of desirable sex and proper flesh should average between 70 and 340 lbs, depending primarily upon sex and how fat he or she is.
GAIT - Judges who tend to motivate on all fours should be avoided, as should those who stagger and fall down a lot. Forward motion should be achieved by placing one foot in front of the other... hopping is also permitted and, in fact, often makes for better showmanship.
STANCE - While viewing the dogs, the judge should stand in the centre of the ring, feet spread as at "parade rest", the right hand held firmly in the left armpit with the left crossing over under the right armpit... the chin must be tucked solidly into the chest, eyes squinting. Once the judge has assumed this position, the steward should count the number of times the class circles. If that count should exceed 20, he might then unobtrusively poke the judge in the ribs. Older, more experienced judges have been known to doze off in this position while younger specimens, particularly members of the party-going set, might be still so grassed from the pre-show festivities that they have passed out.
MINOR FAULTS - Muteness: It is preferred if a judge can speak in audible tones, but his vocabulary may be limited to phrases such as "Loose leads!", "Walk them!", "One more time around" and the number one to three must be heard. If this is impossible, a set of flash cards should be provided. Deafness is no fault in a judge, in fact slightly impaired hearing faculties are a distinct advantage as the judge cannot hear the rude comments from the ringside and will be able to literally turn a deaf ear to whispered propositions, suggestions, etc., from the handlers.
BLINDNESS - It is an advantage if the judge has full use of both eyes, however, some of best-known specimens manage to get by without any apparent eyesight at all and, as this does not seem to hinder their careers in the least, perhaps sight requirements are due to be revised and excluded from the standard.
DISQUALIFYING FAULTS - Judges who whoop, holler and point, or who laugh hysterically at an exhibitor entering the ring with a particularly poor specimen should be disqualified. Likewise, a judge who delays proceedings while handlers make cheques out to him in the ring is not permitted to participate further. Any judge who attacks a handler in the ring is warned three times in writing after which he must be dismissed.
TALE OF A BROOD BITCH
You buy a bitch, a winning thing,
And make her a champion in the ring.
She's sound, she's lovely, dysplasia free
You want to breed her carefully.
Taking lots of time, you look around,
The stud must be both typey and sound
You study the pedigree till blind,
Building the litter in your mind.
Several possibilities appear.
They write back "My dog's the best"
Although the stud's fee is out of sight,
You breed the bitch, the die is cast.
The next nine weeks don't go fast.
Of course, she whelps in the middle of the night
With luck and care it turns out right
The next eight weeks you fret and strain,
Feed and scoop in driving rain.
You take care with the homes they get.
This one is a show dog, this one is a pet.
New owners call with problems dear,
You're on the phone for half a year.
At last, the moment you've longed to know,
Your pups have come to their first show.
They all look fine, not one's a dud.
Then from behind you comes....
"WOW - WHO'S THE STUD?"
Author Unknown
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